Stephen Durkan

A spoken word existential rollercoaster that plummets the hellish depths of a typical night out in Glasgow.

This is why I don't drink anymore...

I drink therefore I am, I drink therefore I am

Wham bam thank you mam

I don’t feel like myself when I’m sober but now, now I am me as me can be, or...

I thought I was, ugh just one more, just one more and that’ll be it, I promise, that’ll be me in optimum condition, drowning out the filter that makes me choke on my words, the shackles are off but not too much, need a bit of self control - your honour I was smashed! It doesn’t cut it does it? Doesn’t cut the mustard but before you know it you’re cutting something else, eh? How did I get here you ask as you wake up to blood, tears and a thousand repercussions.

How did I get here?

Let’s retrace our steps, we set out for the train, cans on the train, obviously, gets you in the mood, the anticipation, you could cut it with a knife, that warm glow of optimism that touches the first drink, the rest of the night we’re chasing that, not realising what’s done is done, chasing a fantasy down to Wetherspoon’s, cheap pints mate, the lines are starting to blur, the dance of getting smashed

I drink therefore I am, I drink therefore I am, I drink therefore I am..

I am going to live a good life, we should love one another, I am seeing so clearly now, I wish we could bottle this feeling and take it into the next day, that would be a real revolution, but the room is beginning to spin a bit, no worries, hey here, who wants a shot? we shoot to kill, the night is still alive

I drink therefore I am, I drink therefore I am..

to the next pub, no this is a dive, just one, and then the next and the next, uh oh the walls are trying to close in, not now, this one pierces the gut, and I start to think of ones that got away, the debris of my life, a vicious cycle, trudge to an early ....

No! I’m not calling it a night, I’ll call it whatever the fuck I want, I am master of my destiny, I will manifest a good time, I drink, I drink, I drink, but we need to go elsewhere, last orders, for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for wee Tam who’s been dragged out by his collar, he doesn’t know who he is, he lost himself, and I’m on a suicide mission, I wonder where she is now, maybe she’s in the club, and the music is hammering my psyche, oh please this this is a shot, oh yes please, another and another, peering over the abyss...

And oh wait wait wait I love this song, wait I love it! I heard somebody say "burn baby burn". I would torch this place to the ground, turn all these fuckers into pliiars of salt, tequila, why not? what circle of hell is this? disco inferno? Hoi you? aye you? I just want to feel something, cut me open and I bleed no more, hey baby, loser! rejected at point blank, another shot and another and another, I deserve everything I’m getting!!!!

rolling back to some random's bit, three lonely guys snorting lines in the bathroom, putting the world to rights, what's wrong? I miss my dad, better get in line, some whiskey at the house, the noise, the endless noise, when will it stop? A heartache, a pinch, a violent truth is coming and then before I know it I wake up to blood and vomit, head screaming white murder, the shots were a mistake, the whole thing was a mistake. I drink therefore I am, I drink therefore I am, I drink therefore I am, no, no, no!

Nothing.
Never Again.
Never Again.
Never....
Again?